Well, I left off telling you about the day/ time in my life, that I realized surgery was my next move. It kinda takes over your life and changes a lot for you. I was living in Austin in a house with 5 roommates, working long hours and just having fun. I talked a lot with my parents and thought about it and I needed to be in a secure place that I felt absolutely 100% comfortable to recover... where else, but Tulsa (home).
I had to give lots of 2weeks notices and find a roommate replacement and then I was back to Tulsa. I can honestly recommend to anyone who is about to go through this, that you do set yourself up in a city where you feel like you know everything about it. You don't want to have to think when you go out, you don't want to feel scared, you want to feel absolutely at home. I found an apartment in Tulsa that seemed like the best place to recover and began my wait.
Since I couldn't really get a job because I would need to quit for like 1-2months, I signed myself up to substitute teach. Another suggestion! If you are looking for a job to keep you busy before you go through this, don't start working at a super hectic company where you have constant set hours and are stressed. The time leading up to your surgery is so difficult, at least it was for me. There were days that my back and my mind just couldn't do it. With subbing, you get to pick your hours! And your days! I also liked it because it is a positive work environment. No stress.
Its weird, okay very very weird, but the months or weeks leading up to your S-day, you kinda feel like your life is about to be temporarily put on hold. And it is. Before surgery you care so much, you want to pack in things you know you won't be able to do. I think I did strenuous exercise like 4 times a day, ha. After surgery, those cares about doing things go away. You feel like you are just wanting to get by and that's it.
The best advice I have for anyone who is waiting for their surgery to occur is to try and forget that it's about to happen. If I could have done that, man would that have been great. Don't let yourself think crazy thoughts, trust your doctors. Don't cry often, its not fun to those around you. Just go about life like normal and when the time comes go, whoa! Okay- lets do this.
I was lucky enough (still am) to have amazing parents who were there and still are here, every step of the way. Believe me, I could not have done it without them. There's no way.
Since it was decided, April 7th, 2011 would be my S-day (a Thursday). We left for St. Louis the Sunday before, bags packed, ready to conquer. I felt great, because I was in the hands of the #1 surgeon in the country, Dr. Bridewell. He was the best, so I would be safe. And the story continues...
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Realization
Just to let you know, today is day 4, yes yes that reads 4, that I have been off the narcotic pain meds (mine was Norco) and day 2 that I have been off all narcotics (I was taking a muscle relaxer). SO, I am only taking Tylenol. Hell yeah!! Just an exciting tid bit of info. Anyways....
I last left off telling you about how my back got to its "breaking" point. I was still in Austin when it was happening, and my schedule I had created for myself was not one for someone with a very hurt back. I would work at the gym all morning and afternoon, workout, then teach dance classes til nighttime. So I talked to all the owners of the dance studios I was teaching for and told them what was happening. I felt horrible because the teaching dance part was one of my favorites, but I had to stop it to help myself. I went to only working at the gym and was able to give my body a tiny bit of relief. It was nice to get off work and be able to lay down, something which was unheard of to me. I guess I am one of those "go go" people. I don't particularly like to sit around and do nothing.
While this was going on, I was trying to figure out (well me and my parents, who are the absolute best)what to do. I went and saw a chiropractor, and that just didn't work for me. I then searched all over Austin, and found a very good orthopedic doctor. This doctor was so hard to get an appointment with that I had to see one of his physical medicine doctors first so I could be referred to him. When I went to have my xrays done at his office for the first time, the xray tech said to me, you don't even look like you have scoliosis. Haha, that's because of my lovely dance- can't be crooked looking while dancing. But once she ran the xrays she said, goodness gracious, you certainly have it! DUH
The physical medicine doctor was the first person to tell me my spine had started to twist. This scared the crap out of me. When I was little, my pediatric doctor (who I still think is the #1 doctor in the world)told me that when my spine's curvature got to 60degrees and it started to twist, surgery for me was no longer optional. The physical medicine doctor measured my curves to be in the mid 60s. I sat there and it hit me, I had to do this for myself. Did I have any idea how hard it was going to be? NO WAY. Does anyone? Hell no. But have millions of people pushed through it to where their lives no longer are impacted by what their back can and can't do? YES. And that's what I decided I had to do.
I had my time being a professional dancer. I got to pursue a dream young girls think is mythical. I got to be on stage when you no longer have to think about the movements you are making, and you really just get to dance. I got to bow and no I had just killed it. I did what I had worked my entire life to do, even though it was short, I did it.
That day, in that office, I realized, now is the time I have to step back, and let science take over and do what it needs to do so I can live the rest of my life without pain. I could say it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but to be honest, the decision had been made for me the day I said, "I am going to go out there and be a dancer." When I made that decision, I also made the decision that I would do this for myself when that time came. And so April 7th, 2011 the time came.
More to come on the good stuff!!
I last left off telling you about how my back got to its "breaking" point. I was still in Austin when it was happening, and my schedule I had created for myself was not one for someone with a very hurt back. I would work at the gym all morning and afternoon, workout, then teach dance classes til nighttime. So I talked to all the owners of the dance studios I was teaching for and told them what was happening. I felt horrible because the teaching dance part was one of my favorites, but I had to stop it to help myself. I went to only working at the gym and was able to give my body a tiny bit of relief. It was nice to get off work and be able to lay down, something which was unheard of to me. I guess I am one of those "go go" people. I don't particularly like to sit around and do nothing.
While this was going on, I was trying to figure out (well me and my parents, who are the absolute best)what to do. I went and saw a chiropractor, and that just didn't work for me. I then searched all over Austin, and found a very good orthopedic doctor. This doctor was so hard to get an appointment with that I had to see one of his physical medicine doctors first so I could be referred to him. When I went to have my xrays done at his office for the first time, the xray tech said to me, you don't even look like you have scoliosis. Haha, that's because of my lovely dance- can't be crooked looking while dancing. But once she ran the xrays she said, goodness gracious, you certainly have it! DUH
The physical medicine doctor was the first person to tell me my spine had started to twist. This scared the crap out of me. When I was little, my pediatric doctor (who I still think is the #1 doctor in the world)told me that when my spine's curvature got to 60degrees and it started to twist, surgery for me was no longer optional. The physical medicine doctor measured my curves to be in the mid 60s. I sat there and it hit me, I had to do this for myself. Did I have any idea how hard it was going to be? NO WAY. Does anyone? Hell no. But have millions of people pushed through it to where their lives no longer are impacted by what their back can and can't do? YES. And that's what I decided I had to do.
I had my time being a professional dancer. I got to pursue a dream young girls think is mythical. I got to be on stage when you no longer have to think about the movements you are making, and you really just get to dance. I got to bow and no I had just killed it. I did what I had worked my entire life to do, even though it was short, I did it.
That day, in that office, I realized, now is the time I have to step back, and let science take over and do what it needs to do so I can live the rest of my life without pain. I could say it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but to be honest, the decision had been made for me the day I said, "I am going to go out there and be a dancer." When I made that decision, I also made the decision that I would do this for myself when that time came. And so April 7th, 2011 the time came.
More to come on the good stuff!!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Dancing my Back Away
I haven't written in quite a few days because I have been on a crazy journey getting back to T-town. Now I am back, and arranging my apartment so I can soon live in here without assistance (though that day seems a little crazy). I will get back to you about all of that in the future.
I left off telling you about my braces and my childhood with braces. Now I get to tell you about the best years, when I sorta kinda got to forget that my scoliosis existed and just dance on. I got my braces off right before high school started, absolutely perfect. I got to go back to normal teenage clothing- what that is, who knows. I was what many call a "bun head" freshman- spring of junior year. This means, my life revolved around ballet. I literally danced all the time (ok, from 4pm-9pm M-F and all afternoon on Saturdays). When I wasn't dancing I read about it, did exercises for it, wrote about it, watched it, anything I could do to get better, I did. My goal from about age 4 was to be a professional ballet dancer. That's a pretty tall order for a 4year old, but I was determined. I was eventually able to only take classes (at pretty much the coolest high school in the WORLD) half- days so I could go dance more and dance with professionals. Maybe not the best choice for your social life. But I didn't care.
One day, Junior year, everything literally snapped, and I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I left my lifelong dream behind. I wanted to be normal, have friends, go to parties, do normal activities. So I did. But when I went to college and decided to TRY and major in Math (who does that?) , I realized that I wasn't ready to never dance again. * And yes, all this has a point to my lovely story* I enrolled in what was called "modern dance for beginners" because I wasn't too sure what Modern Dance was. Ha. That class legit changed my life. The teacher talked me into auditioning for the dance department, and sure enough, I was back at it.
Junior year of college is when my back started talking. It got to the point where I literally couldn't push myself through the movements it was so bad. You know there is something wrong when your mind is saying, move body move, but it won't let you make it. I saw a Physical Therapist for months, I saw our Sports Medicine Doctor everyday for weeks, and I saw an Orthopedic Doctor. Each different doctor's "prescription" helped for about 2weeks. Then the pain was back. I always thought, hey I have bad scoliosis so it is going to happen. I thought the pain was normal with how my back was, so I just pushed through it every time. I think someone should have stopped me at that point, but that was the "bun head" in me.
I left off telling you about my braces and my childhood with braces. Now I get to tell you about the best years, when I sorta kinda got to forget that my scoliosis existed and just dance on. I got my braces off right before high school started, absolutely perfect. I got to go back to normal teenage clothing- what that is, who knows. I was what many call a "bun head" freshman- spring of junior year. This means, my life revolved around ballet. I literally danced all the time (ok, from 4pm-9pm M-F and all afternoon on Saturdays). When I wasn't dancing I read about it, did exercises for it, wrote about it, watched it, anything I could do to get better, I did. My goal from about age 4 was to be a professional ballet dancer. That's a pretty tall order for a 4year old, but I was determined. I was eventually able to only take classes (at pretty much the coolest high school in the WORLD) half- days so I could go dance more and dance with professionals. Maybe not the best choice for your social life. But I didn't care.
One day, Junior year, everything literally snapped, and I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I left my lifelong dream behind. I wanted to be normal, have friends, go to parties, do normal activities. So I did. But when I went to college and decided to TRY and major in Math (who does that?) , I realized that I wasn't ready to never dance again. * And yes, all this has a point to my lovely story* I enrolled in what was called "modern dance for beginners" because I wasn't too sure what Modern Dance was. Ha. That class legit changed my life. The teacher talked me into auditioning for the dance department, and sure enough, I was back at it.
Junior year of college is when my back started talking. It got to the point where I literally couldn't push myself through the movements it was so bad. You know there is something wrong when your mind is saying, move body move, but it won't let you make it. I saw a Physical Therapist for months, I saw our Sports Medicine Doctor everyday for weeks, and I saw an Orthopedic Doctor. Each different doctor's "prescription" helped for about 2weeks. Then the pain was back. I always thought, hey I have bad scoliosis so it is going to happen. I thought the pain was normal with how my back was, so I just pushed through it every time. I think someone should have stopped me at that point, but that was the "bun head" in me.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The Bracing Series
I'm back again! Last place I left off I was describing this new surgeon that we found in OK City. The first meeting with him consisted of A MILLION x-rays. When we finally got to meet this renowned man, we learned why. He had charisma! That was for sure. He made me feel like I was a normal person, which we all know is a pretty good feeling- though in high school I did decide to wear big shirts and sweaters to be different (that's another story). He showed me the x-rays of my spine and the hairs on my arms basically came out. To think that you have a straight spine that you grow up learning about, then realize it looks like an S, freaking out doesn't quite describe it.
He measured the xrays and said my thoracic (middle part of your spine) had a 37deg curve, and my lumbar spine (lower part of your spine) had a 31deg curve. Curvatures that are over 20degs need attention... so, HELP ME. Dr. Sullivan is known as a conservative doctor, meaning he doesn't do surgery when there are other options available. This is what we wanted. He said he wanted to put me into two braces- a Charleston night brace, and a day brace (name unknown). You may think this is like buying clothes, you take measurements and then they have a brace that fits you. NO NO NO NO.
To be fitted for a brace you have to lay, unclothed, on this cold metal table. Then they basically cover your entire torso from neck to butt with paper mache. They then have to push against your body (because the whole point of this brace is to keep the curve from getting worse). The pushing is not gentle. No no, its like a game of tug a war. Totally. Who can pull the patient off the table!
Getting fitted for a brace was a bit dramatic. My doctor told me stories about his braces- oh yeah, forget to mention he had/has scoliosis. I could put stickers on it, I could color it, all sorts of things. For a little girl, that makes you feel way better. He said the braces would take a while to come in, but then I'd be ready to start my treatment.
The rules for wearing the braces were: the night brace is worn all night, during sleep. The day brace had to be worn all day, except when I showered or when I danced. I loved those times of day. I had to get boy type undershirts to wear underneath the day brace and night brace. I hated wearing those things, they made feel I has just rolled around in poison ivy, plus I sweated like a pig all day long, ha- too bad you don't lose weight just by sweating. I would have been a super skinny kid! The worst part about the braces was that I had to buy all new clothes because the brace gave me "huge pointy hip bones" and added quite a bit to my waist line. You'd think a shopping spree would be awesome, but not when you were 10 and had to buy women's clothes it kinda sucks. Oh well! I made up for it as a teen.
Each time I returned to visit he had to make sure the braces still fit. I prayed they always still fit, because having multiple fittings just weren't the funnest. My curve was progressing quite steadily but my doctor said as long as it stayed under 60deg and the vertebrae themselves didn't start to twist I was okay. Basically, we were waiting for my shoulders and hips to grow together so I would no longer grow. February 2001, my braces were off. Just in time for high school!! And the story continues, but my back doesn't like sitting. Til' another time...
He measured the xrays and said my thoracic (middle part of your spine) had a 37deg curve, and my lumbar spine (lower part of your spine) had a 31deg curve. Curvatures that are over 20degs need attention... so, HELP ME. Dr. Sullivan is known as a conservative doctor, meaning he doesn't do surgery when there are other options available. This is what we wanted. He said he wanted to put me into two braces- a Charleston night brace, and a day brace (name unknown). You may think this is like buying clothes, you take measurements and then they have a brace that fits you. NO NO NO NO.
To be fitted for a brace you have to lay, unclothed, on this cold metal table. Then they basically cover your entire torso from neck to butt with paper mache. They then have to push against your body (because the whole point of this brace is to keep the curve from getting worse). The pushing is not gentle. No no, its like a game of tug a war. Totally. Who can pull the patient off the table!
Getting fitted for a brace was a bit dramatic. My doctor told me stories about his braces- oh yeah, forget to mention he had/has scoliosis. I could put stickers on it, I could color it, all sorts of things. For a little girl, that makes you feel way better. He said the braces would take a while to come in, but then I'd be ready to start my treatment.
The rules for wearing the braces were: the night brace is worn all night, during sleep. The day brace had to be worn all day, except when I showered or when I danced. I loved those times of day. I had to get boy type undershirts to wear underneath the day brace and night brace. I hated wearing those things, they made feel I has just rolled around in poison ivy, plus I sweated like a pig all day long, ha- too bad you don't lose weight just by sweating. I would have been a super skinny kid! The worst part about the braces was that I had to buy all new clothes because the brace gave me "huge pointy hip bones" and added quite a bit to my waist line. You'd think a shopping spree would be awesome, but not when you were 10 and had to buy women's clothes it kinda sucks. Oh well! I made up for it as a teen.
Each time I returned to visit he had to make sure the braces still fit. I prayed they always still fit, because having multiple fittings just weren't the funnest. My curve was progressing quite steadily but my doctor said as long as it stayed under 60deg and the vertebrae themselves didn't start to twist I was okay. Basically, we were waiting for my shoulders and hips to grow together so I would no longer grow. February 2001, my braces were off. Just in time for high school!! And the story continues, but my back doesn't like sitting. Til' another time...
LOVE TO ALL
Friday, April 15, 2011
How it All Began
When I was in 4th grade I wanted to go to girl scout camp. Ha, yes, I was a bit of a nerd. But in order to go to girl scout camp you had to have a physical. So my mom and I went to my main doctor to get my physical. He had me bend over and touch my toes so he could feel my spine for scoliosis. When he felt it he said, okay well you most certainly have scoliosis. I was still able to go to camp (thankfully, I mean those things are pretty cool. Boys are missing out).
After camp my parents decided that we needed to see an orthopedic doctor about my scoliosis because we weren't knowledgeable on the topic and didn't know really what to do about it. The first doctor we went to see took x-rays of my back and we learned that my curve was 37deg in the thoracic spine and 35 in the lumbar. We found out that though these curves were high, the fact that they were not far apart meant I had an S" curve. Meaning, my head was still positioned over my pelvis- very very good news.
*** if you are wondering what the measurements mean: they measure the degree between the two most curved vertebrae in each part of my spine (your spine has three sections: cervical, thoracic, lumbar). Normal people have 0deg or maybe 5-10deg.
Those measurements, for a 9 year old, are pretty darn high. Usually surgeons operate on people with curves that are over 40deg. So, this surgeon said he wanted to do surgery and that I would definitely have surgery before I got out of high school. My parents said absolutely not. She is so young and wants to be a professional dancer.
We went back to my family doctor and asked for a different ortho doctor where we lived, and he said there weren't really too many others. So my parents did research and talked to my family doctor again and found a doctor in OK City that was supposed to be amazing- Dr. Andy Sullivan (who saved my childhood).
http://www.oumedicine.com/body.cfm?id=3034
We went out there and his response was, "naaah, she doesn't need surgery. I'll brace her. We got this" (said in a much more doctorly manner). So the plan was braces. That story, will be another blog. I can't sit too much longer, but I will be back. Soon you'll know how I got to the point where I am officially, "a scoliosis surgery SURVIVOR!". Also, if you are reading this and have questions, comment with an email address and we can chat.
After camp my parents decided that we needed to see an orthopedic doctor about my scoliosis because we weren't knowledgeable on the topic and didn't know really what to do about it. The first doctor we went to see took x-rays of my back and we learned that my curve was 37deg in the thoracic spine and 35 in the lumbar. We found out that though these curves were high, the fact that they were not far apart meant I had an S" curve. Meaning, my head was still positioned over my pelvis- very very good news.
*** if you are wondering what the measurements mean: they measure the degree between the two most curved vertebrae in each part of my spine (your spine has three sections: cervical, thoracic, lumbar). Normal people have 0deg or maybe 5-10deg.
Those measurements, for a 9 year old, are pretty darn high. Usually surgeons operate on people with curves that are over 40deg. So, this surgeon said he wanted to do surgery and that I would definitely have surgery before I got out of high school. My parents said absolutely not. She is so young and wants to be a professional dancer.
We went back to my family doctor and asked for a different ortho doctor where we lived, and he said there weren't really too many others. So my parents did research and talked to my family doctor again and found a doctor in OK City that was supposed to be amazing- Dr. Andy Sullivan (who saved my childhood).
http://www.oumedicine.com/body.cfm?id=3034
We went out there and his response was, "naaah, she doesn't need surgery. I'll brace her. We got this" (said in a much more doctorly manner). So the plan was braces. That story, will be another blog. I can't sit too much longer, but I will be back. Soon you'll know how I got to the point where I am officially, "a scoliosis surgery SURVIVOR!". Also, if you are reading this and have questions, comment with an email address and we can chat.
LOVE TO ALL !!!
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